Why Business Development Feels So Hard (And What to Do Instead)
If the idea of “doing marketing” makes you cringe, you are not alone.
Over the years, I have worked with countless lawyers who feel like business development is awkward, performative, or disconnected from the work they actually enjoy. It often feels like you are being asked to step into a version of yourself that does not quite fit. Someone more sales focused, more polished, more “on.”
That is usually where things start to break down.
Because the most effective business development does not look like selling at all. It looks like connection.
The Problem with Traditional Advice
A lot of the advice lawyers receive about networking and marketing is rooted in outdated assumptions. Go to the big event. Work the room. Follow the same playbook everyone else is using.
The problem is that one size does not fit all.
Not everyone wants to build relationships on the golf course or over cocktails. And more importantly, not everyone should. When you force yourself into strategies that do not align with who you are, it shows. It also makes the entire process feel harder than it needs to be.
What Actually Works
Sustainable business development starts with a simple shift.
From selling to serving.
That means focusing less on how to get work from someone and more on how to build a real relationship.
Sometimes that looks like:
Asking thoughtful questions and actually listening
Following up with something relevant and specific
Remembering what matters to someone and acknowledging it later
It is often the smallest gestures that have the biggest impact. A handwritten note. A quick check in. Sending something that shows you were paying attention.
These are not grand strategies. They are human ones.
Why Relationships Take Time
One of the biggest misconceptions is how quickly results should happen.
In reality, building a strong professional relationship takes time. It is not one meeting or one email. It is consistency. It is showing up and being thoughtful over time without becoming transactional.
That is where many people fall off. Not because they cannot do it, but because they expect it to move faster.
Staying Top of Mind Without Feeling Sales Focused
You do not need a large budget or an elaborate system to stay in touch.
You need intention.
Instead of sending generic updates, think about why something made you think of a specific person. That context is what makes the outreach meaningful.
And when it comes time to talk about work, the best approach is often the simplest one. Ask what they need.
Not what you think they need. Not what your firm offers.
Just ask and listen.
From there, you can respond in a way that is actually helpful, which is what builds trust.
A Different Way to Think About Growth
You do not have to become someone else to be effective at business development.
You do not need to follow every trend or copy what other firms are doing.
You need an approach that aligns with how you naturally build relationships and the discipline to stay consistent.
In a crowded legal market, authenticity is what makes people remember you.
By Jennifer Ramsey and Megan Sense